Engagement & Marriage

Adam and Molly sitting in a tree.

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

First comes love,

Then comes marriage,

Then comes the baby in the baby carriage.

Why is engagement so important before marriage?

How is engagement a predictor of marriage tendencies?

What are some challenges newlyweds face?

I wouldn’t know because I haven’t been engaged or married.

By discussing this topic between friends and in class, I have become aware of new thoughts, ideas, and facts that have/will help me when the time comes for me to be engaged and married.

The single most focused idea in engagement is planning the wedding, when in reality it should be reinforcing the relationship with your fiancé.  Engagement is making the first major decisions, which later reflect when trials hit in your later, married years.  Listed below are ideas to think about when in the moment of engagement.

1.     A man asking the parents for their daughter’s hand in marriage resembles him taking responsibility to protect her.

2.     Questions like:

How much money do we spend?

Do we borrow money from parents?

Do we use credit cards or a loan?

What are the conditions of using other recourses?

These are all major decisions engaged couples have to make.  Jointly making these decisions provide the first steps to communication, discussion, and decision making.

3.     Detailed decisions like:

Colors of the wedding?

People to invite?

What day to get married?

Food to have?

These are not life changing decisions, but couples who involve each other in every aspect of the planning are better preparing themselves for making simple decisions in their marriage.

4.     Including family members in the wedding plans reinforces those relationships and allows for the two families to bond.

5.     The reception is for the community to acknowledge and accept the new couple.

Engagement is an exciting time of life.  It is a time of celebration.  With all of this enthusiasm going around, there can be a lot of distraction.  

***I caution for everyone in the dating and engagement stages to be aware of reading scriptures, attending the temple, and praying together.  In these experiences we all feel the spirit and love.  How can we discern growing experiences from spiritual experiences?

Meet Evan and Nathell Porter.  These are my parents.  I had include this to show my appreciation of their hard work and dedication they have put towards their marriage.  I also admire this pretty photo of my parents on their wedding day.

Marriage is a whole new ball game.  It comes with a list of adjustments.  Combining finances and schedules, making the baby decision, and sharing a bed are new situations which both husband and wife adjust to. 

I like the idea of marriage being like a house with a white picket fence around it.

The house represents the couple’s establishment.

It is their standards, teachings, and appearance.

The fence stands for the types of boundaries they set.

The fence is white which makes the home inviting.

However, the tops are pointed sending the clear message that there are bounds which are acceptable to cross when occasion calls for it.

I feel it is appropriate to set boundaries with everyone when a man and a woman get married.

Women, set boundaries between yourself and your parents. It is okay to turn to your husband instead of your mother.

Men, do the same with your parents and your so called “buddies”.  It is acceptable to turn to your wife and not your social status.

Since being married, my parents have established their home, set their own boundaries, and learned to communicate.  They are great examples of adjusting to the life of marriage.  I am so blessed to be their daughter and learn from them.

Setting the stage for marriage reflects greatly from your rituals and roles in engagement.

Someone once told me to give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

***Life lesson: Give the benefit of the doubt.***

Each of us are different.

Men and women are different.

We each have different tendencies.

We each have different feelings.

Talk things through.  Communicate.  

Tony Robbins tells about communication in the best way.

"To effectively communicate we all must realize we are all different in the way we perceive the world, and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others."

I love my parents.  If you are reading this you have seen how I look up to them as I look for my future husband.  I cannot express the many lessons I've learned from them.

Five kids and twenty three years later my parents are proof to me that they are two people in love.  They have shown time after time that their soul focus is to strengthen their personal relationships with Heavenly Father and between themselves.

I know families are forever.  Families are essential to Gods plan.  I am so thankful for my parents who have been a shining example to me over the years.  The time is now to put forth our best effort in all our relationships.  I know it is constant effort to strengthen my relationships with my friends and family.  It is even more effort to strengthen mine and Christ's relationship.  By having a firm relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, I know I can make better decisions with the help of the Holy Ghost. 

June 10, 2016