Addressing Problems

When you are faced with a problem, how do you go about solving it?

Do you tackle it head on?  Do you get overwhelmed and don't do anything at all?

I've recently noticed that people often go about solving problems in a defensive way.  

We want to be the one who triumphs over the other.

We want others to conform to our point of view.

We want to be right.

 For years, I have been one of these people who always wanted to be right.  Looking back I don't understand why I wanted to be right, all I remember is that I didn't feel good when fighting and I'm pretty sure the other person didn't feel too good either.  Over all these years of pointless arguments I now know that I have been wrong.  I've been wrong in how I talk to people when conflict showed up.  I've been wrong in how I solve problems.

Recently, I have been asked the question:

Why are we teaching to fight fair when we should be teaching to communicate more effectively? 

I've come to the conclusion that when we fight fair we are filled with pain and blame, which makes our argument defensive.  

(pain + blame = defensive)

When our hearts are filled with pain and no blame our conversations tend to be compassionate.  

(pain with out blame = compassion)

The Latter Day Prophets and Apostles are a great examples of problem solving and making decisions.  

Every week the brethren hold a meeting.  In this meeting they do specific things that are key to having good discussions.

First, the brethren arrive 15-30 minutes early to talk, compliment, and converse with one another.  As they go around talking, they express love and appreciation for each other.

Second, they open with a prayer.

Third, they discuss to consensus.  This does not mean the brethren discuss until all of them agree with the prophet, it means they discuss until each have the same promptings from the Lord.

Fourth, they close with a prayer.

Lastly, they eat refreshments.

 I know every discussion we have will not start with compliments and end with food.  However, in this process we can see men put aside their defenses to have discussions of compassion.  We see that by admitting ourselves to the Lord will help our heart and mind become kind and wise.

I personally feel this process leads to our lives being more Christlike.
How many conversations start with affirming words of appreciation?
How many start with a prayer, even a prayer in our hearts, that we may have a valuable discussion?
How many conversations include two people confirming feelings and thoughts they have?

How many times do we end our discussions with a prayer, or even a silent prayer, to thank the Lord for the words and ideas given?

How many conversations end with eating a delicious treat?

In the end, it does not matter who wins the conversation.  It does not matter who was right and who was wrong.  It matters that the problem was solved in a compassionate way.  It matters that the problem is never more important than the person to be loved.

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